she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
