I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
