You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Found your dick twin last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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