New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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