We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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