Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
