So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
