youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
