Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
