I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
