I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
