And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
