You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
