i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
