is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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