I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
