Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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