Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
