my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
