We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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