Swine flu. Run for my life!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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