drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
