dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
