We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
