Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
