i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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