see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
