Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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