He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
