i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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