She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
