Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
