Please, let me fuck your mom
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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