so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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