Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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