I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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