he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
