when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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