Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
