I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
