Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
