I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
