this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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