His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
