i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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