I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
