his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
