i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
