You're my little dorito
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
