How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
