So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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